Michelle and her Chicken
Having a relationship in the Big Brother house is
not entirely the best course of action, least of all when you're a woman.
Michelle is not only seriously involved with one of the male housemates,
she has now apparently had sex with her 'Chicken' Stuart. If past
performance is anything to go by, then Michelle has just thrown away what
slim chance she had of winning BB5.
The Past week in
The departure of Ahmed - with 56% of the public vote, was quite a surprise
to me. I was certainly not shocked to see the public give Ahmed the boot,
but for him to get such a large chunk of the 1.69 million votes was really
odd. Despite the fact that Ahmed had annoyed many viewers with his general
attitude, he was still up against one of the infamous fight night villains
- Victor. So, it was indeed a surprise when the conspiring Jungle Cat
outlasted this interesting 'older' housemate. The one consolation is that
Victor did manage to get almost a third of the total votes. As expected,
Dan, Shell, and Stuart were of no relevance to the vote. Nadia got fewer
votes than I had expected, although in retrospect Nadia is starting to
pick up a public following lately - most comments I read about her are of
a distinctly positive nature.
Week 7 eviction night, total votes: 1.69million
Ahmed : 56%
Victor : 29%
Stuart : 5.4%
A farewell to Ahmed
Farewell to Ahmania
Ahmed is a great case to note for BB history. Despite being booed when he
left the house, Ahmed seemingly took it all in the best of spirits. He had
his 'night with davina', something which he had been longing for since
week'1. Ahmed may well have offended some of his peer group with his
behaviour, but he now appears one of the housemates who seems most well
balanced about the nature of the show. Ahmed seems to sincerely believe it
is all a 'pantomime', and in many ways BB should be classified as exactly
His regular verbal attacks against his prime adversary Marco was great for
entertainment in the early weeks of the show. The plate smashing, the
beheading of plaster cast 'Maureen', and various minor destruction of
house property was all great viewing material.
Applicants for BB6 who are above the 'grand age' of 30 should take
inspiration from Ahmed. If Ahmed - who was a very restrained and remote
member of the group can make it until week 7, then there is great hope
that a future BB winner will be somewhat older than the classic 23-27
winner stereotype that now appears to have become the norm.
The Price Fund
Once again, BB threw another little task at the housemates on Saturday-
with the main aim to further reduce the prize fund. The icky fish task was
indeed sickly, yet is exactly the sort of thing which the housemates
deserve. With the loss of £15,000 last Saturday, the prize fund is now at
£56,500 - a fair amount lower than the £75,000 which last year's winner
Cameron Stout attained.
What was most surprising about the task event was not that Michelle
refused to drink the glass of fish juices (understandable considering she
is a vegetarian), but that money grabbing Shell was the housemate who
literally took away the glass of goo, and threw it onto the lawn. It seems
clear that Shell is seriously annoyed with BB, and is very much resigned
to the fact that the prize will keep on reducing until the last week.
As things are though, I remain highly suspicious of the overall situation.
I believe it is almost inevitable that C4 will offer the housemates- in
the final Saturday task (in 11 days time) to win back almost all of the
money they have steadily lost over the weeks. In many ways this would be
quite lame, and would be yet another turnaround for 'evil BB'. After
all, what is the point of seeing the prizez fund fall over the series, if
only to be topped up at the end to 100k ?
Shell - concerned at yet another task failure
Michelle and her Chicken
The wedding task has lead to what has been some of the most fascinating
viewing yet. With Stuart declining to be groom, Michelle was really pissed
at her beloved - more so than ever before. Stuart drew a line in the
relationship at this point, he was not going to be involved in some fake
BB wedding with him and Michelle all dressed up as newly weds. How would
it look to the outside world, him and Michelle tying the knot? Clearly, he
did not like the idea of this, and was resolute about declining Michelle's
Michelle left the situation, sulked for a while alone, and bitched to
Shell about how inconsiderate her chicken is about her. Later, when Stuart
did get around to talking with her, Michelle turned really quite nasty to
him, and totally dismissed Stuart's point of view. Is Michelle really that
self centred ? Most viewers are now well aware of Stuart's general naivety
- the guy comes across as quite childlike at times, yet the most visible
aspect of the couple is now Michelle's really bossy attitude. The question
is whether there is any hope for the 'couple', the good thing is that
anything is possible in this world, so if they both want things to work
out...there is always the possibility of a happy ending.
Love under the Table
It appears to have finally happened in the early house of Tuesday morning,
Michelle has seized her chicken. Of all the places it could have happened,
it was done under the party table that BB had laid on for the evening.
Perhaps next year BB will have the sense to stick minicam's built into the
underside of the tables. With a few added cushions and other bits, Missy
managed to almost entirely attain complete privacy from BB's eyes - which
in itself is surely a violation of house rules. Further, both her and
Stuart took off their mic's -much to BB's objection, and then the couple
soon got down to some sort of 'love action'.
question of course is what exactly happened? The only two people that do
know for sure are the couple themselves of course, so whatever is stated
in the press...nothing can be truly ascertained. In any case, what ever
did happen the fact is that many people are already jumping up and down in
outrage about how Michelle has 'let her family down' or that she should be
'ashamed of herself' - and other such anti-sex nonsense. UK culture
remains seriously fucked up (pun intended) about sex. If they did have
full sex last night, then good for them I say, so long as they weren't
idiots and failed to use condoms. Yet, from everything we know, neither of
them have any - except Jason, and it seems unlikely either of them would
have asked him !
So did the happy couple have unsafe sex on UK TV ? Michelle may well be
taking the contraceptive pill, but that is not the point, is it? Hmm,
perhaps it sounds bad, but surely they realise the importance of this
basic issue, or are they really that dumb?
Michelle preparing to marry the Chicken ?
The day after the night before, Michelle failed to keep to her promise to
Stuart that she would not talk about what happened that night to anyone.
However, it was only a short time before she was soon telling Shell about
the events, in a very weak form of code...
Shell asked Michelle if her immune system was
'boosted this morning', Michelle "...yes, it is...."
Shell asked Michelle if she had taken the 'Echinacea' supplements herself
or whether someone had given them to her.
Michelle replied "Someone else may have given them to me!"
Shell "...did he use a tool to give it to you or did
he use his hands..."
Michelle "...a tool,"
I will end on this note. Whatever happened last night is frankly no one's
business but Michelle and Stuarts. For any of the religious or other
repressed people to start getting upset over this couple - who may have
screwed themselves senseless (albeit quietly), is sadly indicative of a
pathetically repressed slice of UK culture.
Ψ Dan : His claim a few weeks ago that if he reached the final week he
would walk, is clearly a lie. Dan is a desperado just like all of the
other housemates. What ever his latest fake act might be termed, he is one
desperate game player. The whole 'ohh, I'm just here for the experience'
crap is tiresome. Does he really think the viewers believe these sort of
clichéd lies ? Dan has a really strong agenda in the house, and although
he has played the game well, it is indeed time he got the boot. After all,
he has mostly sat back in the group - like Shell, and has tried his best
not to offend anyone for fear of being nominated.
Despite being nominated 4 times in week'8, Dan will make it to week'9, but
he has no chance of winning BB5.
Dan: desperate to reach the final night
Ψ Jason : The sly Jungle cat is now finally up for the public vote. After
surviving some 7 weeks, and somehow managing to evade being up for the
public vote, Jason is now public target No'1.
Farewell dear Jason.... and enjoy your reception this Friday - it will be
Ψ Michelle : Some have called
her a 'bunny boiler', some think she is now a slapper for having on screen
sexual relations with her chicken. What ever you may think of her,
Michelle will now reach day 64, which is a very respectable achievement
considering her once close association with Emma and Marco.
Her clingy and bossy attitude towards Stuart is now a real negative trait
for her. If she keeps this up for another week, the public could well turn
right against her - with a corresponding 'pitiful' feeling for Stuart.
Michelle looks like she has ruined her chances of winning BB5, oh well,
maybe she can try out for Pop Idol 3' ?
Michelle: Despairing about her chance of winning BB5
Ψ Nadia : Dear Nadia has done great, although being up for her third
eviction she is clearly under the pressure. Nadia is understandably
wondering what she is doing wrong in the house.
Many viewers are now calling
for a Nadia win. Yet how can Nadia win, with someone like Stuart in the
house. We all know who the teenie texters will support, and it will be the
'one with the eyes'.
Ψ Shell : With the prize fund now much lower, Shell is doubtless really
quite pissed off with the situation. Since week'1, she has been the most
desperate to win the money. Shell seeks money, not the fame/notoriety that
most housemates will often be seeking to gain.
As I noted at week'1, Shell
will reach the final night - for the very fact that she is indeed so dull.
The great thing though is that like Steph from BB4, the public hold no
real interest in Shell, and Shell will receive no more than 2-5% of the
total votes on final night. The irony is that Ms. money desperate will
leave the house with nothing.
Ψ Stuart : Now dominated by his in-house girlfriend, Stuart is remarkable.
Yet to receive a single nomination from anyone, he is the beloved
housemate of the group. He has not offended anyone so far - barring
Michelle occasionally ;) The guy just seems to be loving every day in the
house, its all 'wicked' or 'awesome'. What ever happened to Tiagra ?
Stuart to win BB5 - things
are looking great for him.
Ψ Victor : The Slick, aka the Milkman, has done great, and remains the
funniest person in the diary room - his clips will make up a superb audio
collection when i eventually get around to it !
Despite all his best efforts, it does not look likely that V.I.C will make
it until the final night. In many ways, it would be a shame for Victor to
leave at this late stage and still get a massive crowd booing - although
that in itself would be very funny to watch. Victor's time is almost up.
Dan: Victor & Shell
Jason: Nadia & Dan
Michelle: Jason & Dan
Nadia: Jason & Victor
Shell: Jason & Victor
Stuart: Dan & Nadia
Victor: Dan & Nadia
Dan'4, Jason'3, Nadia'3', Victor 3' - 4 up for the boot.
The votes for Jason and Victor were as expected, more surprising are the 4
votes for Dan. All 3 other guys voted against their male rival Dan, and
similarly, these 3 guys also voted against Nadia. Interesting.
Yet again, Stuart failed to get a single vote. He will now reach week 9
without anyone casting a single vote against him. If Stuart doesn't win
BB5, it will be somewhat surprising from that aspect.
Who will get booted week 8 ?
With Dan and Nadia as non-votes again, this weeks eviction is a direct
face off between the two cats Jason and Victor. The overwhelming push will
be for Jason to get the boot. One reason is that there is 8 weeks of pent
up voting demand against Jason, and this needs to be released. The votes
will be piling in for Jason this week, and he will surely get the boot.
Victor may well click up another 25-30%, not that it will matter.
Jason: Public Enemy No'1
Let us take a quick overview of the remaining 7 housemates.
Group 1: 'the children': ----
Group 2: 'middle people':, Dan, Michelle, Nadia, Shell, Stuart, -
aka, the 'get-along gang'
Group 3: 'the cats' : Jason, Victor
With the loss of Ahmed, the Cats look even more alone than ever before. As
Victor calls them, the 'Get-along gang' are easily the dominant group of
the house. The whole group has really been getting along remarkable well
lately. A few minor spats, but generally everything is quite civil.
Considering the state things were in at fight night time, the housemates -
despite their broad group split, are relatively polite to each other.
Shell has continued to play
her placating game, agreeing with everything that the other housemates
say. So far it has worked almost perfectly, she's still only picked up two
nominations this series.
It looks as though both Cats will fail to reach the final night - although
it depends on how C4 decide to boot the 5'th from last housemate. If there
is a double eviction, it would look more likely for Victor to get booted.
Week 8, but still 7 people left !
Jason looks likely to be booted this Friday evening. The loss of what is
arguably one of BB's best ever game players will be a big loss to the
group - although many millions of viewers will doubtless enjoy the fierce
crowd reception that will greet Jason when he leaves. It will be
interesting to see how Jason deals with the wrath of the baying mobs, will
he give them any attitude back ? To be expected, C4 will conduct the
interview indoors - with a row of armed guards to prevent the mob from
ripping Jason's limbs off ;)
Michelle and Stuart will continue to be fascinating to watch. Will
Michelle's incessant domineering attitude towards her chicken cause Stuart
to tell her to 'BACK OFF !' ? As things are, Stuart appears in a different
social league compared to Michelle - things do not look particularly
hopeful for them, but then again... you never know.
The much touted double eviction (a real, not fake one) has yet to appear
this series. By this Saturday, there will be just one standard voting week
left, but with still 6 housemates living in the house, C4 are going to
have to fit in one extra eviction at some point before the final night.
Anyway, whatever might happen during the rest of this series, BB5 has been
superb. Enjoy the show.
Calrissian : Waiting to be
Originally Published © 2004 Philip
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