Life without Kitten

Big Brother is really quite good this year, way beyond my initial expectations. The past week has been simply great, so much has happened that it is hard to select just a few of the best things that have happened from the dozens of incidents that merit attention.


The past week in the house

More has happened in the group in the past week than arguably happened in the whole of BB4. So, where should we start in this weeks summary ? What was the highlight of the week, Kittens forced exit, Emma vs Victor, the kissing night, or maybe Michelle's constant attention to her beloved chicken ? 


Farewell to the Kitty

Most prominent this series has been the forced eviction of 'Kathryn', which was a key marker for Big Brother UK. The producers were obviously in a real dilemma about whether to keep her in the house. Kitten was annoying the hell out of viewers - but of course, this helps to increase the level of debate about the show. C4/Endemol chose the safe option though, and I can't say I am particularly surprised - or even upset, at their decision. As some may have realised, Kitten was in danger of bringing the show to an extraordinary implosion last Friday night. Had all the housemates agreed that the money was not important, would any have stayed once the money had reached zero ?

Kitten had made her point. She will forever remain a classic case of how not to behave in the BB house. Not only does it infuriate the viewers - most of whom will get upset at such rule breaking, but it inevitably leads to being nominated and put up for eviction within the first week. For anyone wanting to participate in future series of BB, the example of Kitten should be a useful lesson on how not to behave.


Making her point : Kitten on the roof (again).

Saturday night task

The round-about task was really quite icky, watching the 9 housemates whirling around and around was more than enough to make me feel queasy. There was Marco, who spewed..... arghh, something I never want to see again. However, this is precisely the style of BB that fans have been calling for since BB2 concluded. Finally, perhaps we have a BB which is going to clamp down hard on housemates breaking rules and lazing around in the garden endlessly sunbathing. Understandably, BB will not go 'too evil' against the housemates, C4 do not wish to see any of the housemates walking out - not even Ahmed. So this year, BB will be a bit harsh - certainly more than BB3 was during the 'divide time', but not particularly bad to the stage where someone will walk.


The effects of the round-about took its toll on Emma


Michelle and Stuart

I have read a fair bit about body language in my time, but to see such a classic example as was seen with Michelle and Stuart was too good ! Michelle was only in the house a few days before she literally pounced upon Stuart - and since then she has hardly let go of this naive boy. The incident where Michelle was trying to be close with Stuart - who himself was deeply uncomfortable, was very illuminating. 

Michelle slowly moved in.....Stuart - wearing his girly clothes, soon began to compress his body. Despite Stuart's initial pulling back, Michelle kept on moving closer...and Stuart kept on moving farther back... to the point where he was as far back as he could be ! Stuart was displaying some classic defensive postures...crossed arms over his chest, his head and eyes looking down at the floor, and his general body was leaning away from Michelle. After some 20 minutes Michelle and Stuart are still together, although Stuart remains very much uneasy with her constant need for physical closeness - and her demands for "what ya thinking chicken, tell me..... please... I need to know".

A little later, Michelle approaches Stuart - having left her 10mins earlier, and then she starts clinging on again - and once more we see Stuart looking away from Michelle - he can't bear to have Michelle so close. For anyone studying body language, this was one of the best examples I have ever observed of a guy who is very uncomfortable in a social situation.

Mini-Gallery - click on image for full size version.

Making her move..

Michelle gets close to nervous Stuart

Stuart afraid

Fearful of the predator Michelle, look at that defensive arm

Moving in

Michelle covering her cowering prey

Michelle up close

She leans in, yet Stuart is not happy with the situation

Cuddly cuddly ?

Stuart, deeply uncomfortable having clingy Michelle wrapped around him.


Housemate Assessments

Ψ Ahmed : As expected, dear Ahmed has had a hard time in the house. Being a whole generation above the 'kids' has proved to be too much for the poor guy. Ahmed is really quite pissed at Marco, and will probably have a few more pokes at the seal clapper before he gets the boot.  I wonder why he 'really' entered the house though, what did he really expect from the show ? Ahmed is quite secure in himself though, and goes to bed when he wants - not when the group do. The fact that he is more than happy to confront Marco is a further indicator to the strength of the man.

Ahmed remains the primary target to be nominated by the other housemates, and obviously won't last much longer.

Ψ Dan : As I had expected, Dan has a dark side to him. Many will still disagree with me, but consider his nominations this week. He is somewhat annoyed with not only Ahmed, but Marco and also Michelle. Clearly he is wanting to boot out one of the children quickly - and it would seem likely he'll stick to nominating the children - Emma or Victor seems a likely bet, once Ahmed is gone.

Ψ Emma : Dear Emma - who remains my predicted winner, has had an awfully tough time in the house. She is becoming louder by the day, and has already picked up a few enemies - primarily Victor and Jason. Is Emma really as stupid as she appears. Her stumbling over the word "...Intel.....intelli.... Intelligent" was all too ironic to witness. She has said too many things lately to be faking it, Emma is indeed only a few levels above the infamous Ms. Goody. However, does Emma have any redeeming features that might help keep her in the house ? Emma's heart is in the right place, and hopefully some sort of 'nice' incident will happen that will capture the attention of the BB viewers. Remember though, that despite what Emma might get up to, C4 will always be on Emma's side ;)

Ψ Jason : Perhaps the most obvious game player of this series. Jason is now almost directly leading an 'alliance' to vote out the children - Nadia, Emma, Marco, and Michelle. Jason is quite fascinating to watch, having now been very flirty with not only Vanessa, but Dan of all people ! Jason seems not intent on wooing Vanessa - although she does not look the type to let loose her passions whilst in the house.

Ψ Marco : The instigator of the bloody endless 'seal clapping', Marco is really quite a weird housemate. He has acted like a totally dumb fool since day'1, until this week, when he started to talk with Shell about Evolution and Social policy - the stuff this guy was coming out with was pretty fine debate. Is Marco really smart ? Is he playing the 'I'm stupid game' ?

Ψ Michelle : Her obsession with - as some call him 'Stu-pid', has reached almost comical levels. She almost literally followed him around the house like a lost puppy. She is very young, and the news report that she didn't tell her parents she was entering the BB house is somewhat interesting. Does she come from a repressed household? Why does she want to be page 3 model, and what will her family think of that ?

Ψ Nadia : The new 'woman' is actually doing remarkably well both inside and outside the house - I still expect her to reach maybe the penultimate week, Nadia is relatively 'benign'. She never says anything that might upset anyone, and is the quite often the laughter of the house - which will certainly help sway anyone from nominating her in the weeks ahead.

She won't win though, and I don't believe she expects to either.

Ψ Shell : The saviour of Big Brother and C4 ? It was Shell who single-handedly begged Kitten to leave the house, as the money was ticking away on the TV screen. Shell has on a number of occasions now, spoken of her 'many debts', and she is clearly desperate to win the prize. Make no mistake about it, Shell is intent on winning, and she'll do all she can to achieve her goal. Most noticeably in the past week, Shell has secured a strong bond with Vanessa - and together they regularly bitch about the children - especially the relationship of Michelle and Stuart. Interestingly, evidence supports this theory, in that their nominations so far have been exactly the same.

In many ways Shell is indeed 'Nush MK.II'. Yet Shell is somewhat more free minded -and as has been seen, she likes to get naked, run around, and play with the others. She appears also quite a straight talker - at least on certain subjects.

Ψ Stuart : The poor boy has yet to pick up a nomination, but his relationship with Michelle could seriously back fire on him if he is not more discreet. Yet, the teenie texters will support him, if he needs some help, so his place is secure until the final night.

Ψ Vanessa : Ms. Vanessa, she may have a gorgeous sexy body, but she is one real sneaky housemate - one that intends to win on her 'class and looks'. She continues to generally push away Jason - the only guy that has shown any interest in her. She is certainly somewhat uptight. Whenever the issue of nudity comes up, ms. V will drag up the issue of 'my parents would kill me'. What sort of grown adult is this ? Is she really still in the mindset of a child ? Does she still follow every command that her parents request of her ? Perhaps so. Vanessa does not deserve much respect, her now daily bitching sessions with Shell are becoming the primary reason why she should get the boot.

Ψ Victor : Dear Victor continues to annoy the hell out of many viewers, not least for his pretend 'hard image'. No doubt his friends in the Burbs of London are laughing their heads off, since Victor appears STILL to realise that Nadia was once a guy.

Victor said about Emma in his nominations "she may well be the stupidest person on the face of this earth... I think her time would be better spent in four years of night school learning her alphabets again". You make not like him as a person, but he is coming out with some classic lines. 


Mind Stretching games : Paper, Rock, Scissors -
Marco seems to finally be getting the hang of it !


The First Nominations


Ahmed : Marco & Emma
Dan : Ahmed & Michelle
Emma : Victor & Dan 
Jason : Marco & Emma
Marco : Jason & Ahmed
Michelle : Ahmed & Jason
Nadia : Ahmed & Dan
Shell : Ahmed & Michelle
Stuart : Ahmed & Vanessa
Vanessa : Ahmed & Michelle
Victor : Emma & Vanessa

So, Ahmed got a mighty 7 votes, with Michelle and Emma with 3. Interestingly, Shell and Stuart received not a single vote.

The most interesting votes so far : Emma and Victor voted for each other as did Marco and Jason. Shell and Vanessa both voted for Michelle to be booted. Is this a sign of things to come from this close girl pairing ?


Michelle : The media tart, enjoying some sunshine.

Group Dynamics

Lets take a quick overview of the remaining 11 housemates.

Group 1: 'the children'   Emma, Marco, Michelle, Nadia
Group 2: 'middle people'  : Dan, Victor, Stuart
Group 3: 'the adults' : Ahmed, Jason, Shell, Vanessa.

The children are obvious to most viewers, as are the adults of the group. However, Dan, Victor, and Stuart are somewhere in the middle of the two main groups. Stuart certainly is not on the same level as Marco and Emma, but neither is he on the level of Vanessa or Dan. Victor is a case unto himself - like him or despise him, he's doing mostly okay in the group. As for the 'adults', Vanessa and Shell are the leading females of the house, with Jason taking the leading male role. As for Ahmed, the poor guy is now looking so out of place, and he is quite fed up with house life. Ahmed says he would like to leave, but I doubt he is the walking type- but then, you never know !

What can we say then about this group, is this a normal group ? It certainly has a fair spread of housemate types. We have 4 children, 4 adults, and 3 'middle' people, each of which have now found their role in the group. Some distinct pairings have also begun. Jason is most certainly after Vanessa - although Vanessa does not seem the type to reciprocate. Michelle is still after her 'chicke' Stuart, with Stuart's attitude swinging from late night caresses to not wanting Michelle in his arms.


C4 and BBLB production

I said in a forum recently, how I wished I could watch how the BB production team come to decide their plans, tasks, and run the show. Well, on a sleepy Sunday someone screwed up and the BBLB preproduction live feed, and my wish sorta came true.

The Stars : Lady in red: Sonia,  Guy in blue: Dave   Camera guy 1: Phil, and Dermot O'leary

Mini Gallery for BBLB oops (click on image for full size version)

Dave and Sonia

Hard at work in the BBLB studio

Sunny D' aka 'Filth'

Dave's substitute drink for Red Bull

Over the Edge ?

The effects of Sunny D' ?

Hungry for Crisps

Dermot had crisps- but not of the potato kind


Dave on Sunny D'

"I am drinking sunny d' cos its filth...Why do you think I'm drinking Sunny D', because they didn't have any red bull...Gave me Juliet's boy yesterday, pack of skittles, fucking hell, he was hyper till midnight that night"

Whilst watching the streaming...

Phil "go on shell, get me out, too late"
Dave "you'll give a bloke head on TV, but you won't show your puppies for xmas"

Phil 'she got her arse hanging out'
Someone else ''who's that?"
Phil "dark haired bird"
Dave "err. that's Mich', dirty Michelle"
Phil "..its not even worth putting on that bikini"
Dave "...she should have covered her face with it... would much better to look at then...she got face like a bulldog, bulldog licking piss off a thistle"

Finally, in this 18mins of unofficial leaked footage... Dermot O'leary appears...

Dermot : "I'm struggling to talk about this year"

"Nivea me UP, that is all i am saying. In the gym yesterday, looked up, theres only one sexy urban..... get her on the line!"

"and then I went home and had some crisps, you know what i'm talking about bernie... (winks to camera), they weren't potatoes, let me put it that way".


So, there you go. What was Dermot on about though ? What are 'crisps' ? Something sexual or drug related ? Hmm, Dermot, you've got us all wondering now about you more than ever ! Bless ya.

* To get hold of the clip - which is some 42mb in size, you'll need to have a good look around the web - or i suggest use the p2p networks - and try searching under 'BBLB_big_brother5_preproduction_oops'.


Looking ahead

With the obvious first target 'kitten' now booted, the house naturally turned to Ahmed. With the first round of nominations done, we are now aware of Ahmed, Michelle, and Emma being next up for the boot.

In my initial impressions I noted that I felt Emma would not only be the ultimate winner, but that she was also C4's 'chosen one' of this series - and thus she had a fundamental advantage over the others. Yet Emma has not only received nominations this week, but she is up for the boot. Fortunately - or not (if you believe in C4 conspiracies), Neither Emma or Michelle are going to be booted this week from the show. Indeed the two people that do end up in the bed-sit will be exempt from nominations for 2 weeks - which is really quite extraordinary. Being up for nomination could in fact be the best thing that could have happened to Emma/Michelle if it means they are protected until late June.

The bed-sit idea could be extremely fun to watch, and there are many opportunities for some superb scenarios for C4 to select and play with. If Ahmed and Michelle are placed together - what the hell are these two going to do in their stay ? Will they talk at all, or just sit quietly and watch BB 24/7 ?

Voters will now have to make a choice. Do they support the children of the house, or the adults ? The children offer a lot of light entertainment - but the adults offer a lot of seriously fascinating back stabbing and sneaky bitching. Two interesting scenarios, perhaps we'll get a bit of both in the days ahead.

Enjoy the show


Calrissian : Watching the housemates with the all seeing eye.


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Originally Published 2004 Philip Calrissian
Last Updated : 11/06/04